A funny...

How odd is it that I have a pack of birth control pills sitting next to a bottle of prenatal vitamins?!?!

Gotta look for some laughs in the midst of so much going on.  :)

The Nurses Call

Today I heard from our nurse about coming in for the lessons on shots.  Not my favorite part at all.  I can't bring myself to give the shots to myself so Jason has to go with me.  I guess this means that I need to find some container to store all of my used needles.  Friday is the first shot!  I guess this got to me a little today after talking to the nurse because after that I felt sick for about 2 hours.  I know that everything will be fine because the Lord will be with me every step of the way!  I love Matthew 6:33-34:  "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  This was my favorite verse when I was in high school because I would always worry and this passage really spoke to me.  And even better is a couple verses before this that at that time I did not read but love now as well.  Matthew 6:26-27:  "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  I love it!  It's so true that I am so valuable to the Lord and I need to seek him and his kingdom instead of worrying that will do nothing for me.

Taking it one day at a time and focusing on my Heavenly Father!

Here We Go Again...

Well, we've made the decision to begin the IVF process again.  It makes me excited to think that we may actually add more children to our family, but nervous all at the same time because I don't know how things will turn out.  One thing I do know is that it's out of our hands and the doctors.

Today I started my cycle which meant I needed to call the nurse and get the ball rolling.  For now I'm going to take birth control pills for a couple weeks.  I'm not sure how I really feel about this.  I haven't taken the pill in seven years.  I'm not a big fan of them and glad this is only temporary.  Not sure why but our new doctors use this to calm all my insides down before the stimulation process.  I'm trusting that they know what is best.

I'm also a little depressed, anxious, worried that this go around I weigh more than I did when we did the IVF process with Raleigh.  Not sure if this will effect anything or not (the doctor told me I was fine), but I am concerned about it.  I've tried to not eat as much and cut out the sweet teas and sweets, but it's been really hard.  I've tried to exercise more, but I have no motivation.  Luckily the weather is getting nicer so it's easier to go out, but then I don't want to exercise too much and risk anything.  Praying that since I know we've started everything I can really cut out the sweet teas at least because I don't want the caffeine in my body.

Praying for calm in the midst of the storm!  God is in control of all this and I need not worry...He's taking care of me.

This is my Journey

My desire in writing this is to release any feelings I have that I feel I have no one to share them with, to document all that we go through on this journey, and to leave a remembrance with my children of all that God has done, is doing, and will continue to do in our lives.

When we first began the infertility journey in 2004 I didn't write down anything.  I saved a lot of things and wanted to go back and write in my feelings, but never did.  I wish I had that journey documented better for Raleigh so she could look back on all we went through with her and see just how God answered our prayers.  My feelings and desires are the same this time though.  I still desire for God to bless our lives with more children.  Although I have a child now I still feel incomplete.  Even though I sometimes want it quiet, don't want to wake up in the middle of the night, and get frustrated often, I still want more children so my house will be louder, my schedule busier, myself more tired, and my frustrations greater!  Children are a blessing from the Lord!

My goal in this blog is for the Lord to be glorified in everything!  It is nothing Jason or I do and it's nothing that the doctors do, as we are just vessels for the Lord, but it is all about Him!